Especially around my right knee.
My first thought was, "How did I get so many bruises without realizing it? Ohmygod, I'm dying. Am I dying? How did I not feel myself getting these bruises? Ohmygod, is it my nerves? Did I damage my nerves? I'm gonna die, aren't I?"
Then I realized I was being a hypochondriac and forced myself to calm down, and think rationally.
So my second thought was, "Wow, I must be working out really hard! Look at all this evidence. I'm such a rockstar."
Then I proceeded to press my bruises to see how much they hurt because I'm a masochist.
And, guess what? They didn't hurt. At all.
I thought it was some kind of super power or something and was feeling pretty proud.
Then I noticed that my fingers were blue too.
And I pondered that puzzle for half a second.
Until I remembered something.
I was wearing my newish jeans yesterday.
It's not that I worked out really hard, it's that I'm too cheap to buy jeans that are more than $20 and this cheapness dyed my legs blue.
I guess you really do get what you pay for.
My cheap jeans made me think I was dying.
Also, I accidentally gave myself silver hooves for feet.
I think that pretty much sums up my life.