October 10, 2014

Bruises or How I Workout Really Hard (Not)

Last night, after getting home, I changed into my red basketball shorts and noticed all these bruises on my legs.

Especially around my right knee.

My first thought was, "How did I get so many bruises without realizing it? Ohmygod, I'm dying. Am I dying? How did I not feel myself getting these bruises? Ohmygod, is it my nerves? Did I damage my nerves? I'm gonna die, aren't I?"

Then I realized I was being a hypochondriac and forced myself to calm down, and think rationally.

So my second thought was, "Wow, I must be working out really hard! Look at all this evidence. I'm such a rockstar."

Then I proceeded to press my bruises to see how much they hurt because I'm a masochist.

And, guess what? They didn't hurt. At all.

I thought it was some kind of super power or something and was feeling pretty proud.

Then I noticed that my fingers were blue too.


And I pondered that puzzle for half a second.

Until I remembered something.

I was wearing my newish jeans yesterday.


It's not that I worked out really hard, it's that I'm too cheap to buy jeans that are more than $20 and this cheapness dyed my legs blue.

I guess you really do get what you pay for.

My cheap jeans made me think I was dying.

Also, I accidentally gave myself silver hooves for feet.


I think that pretty much sums up my life.

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