Mama + Sizes

This happened to me all the time when I was a child:

 "Um, Mama, I think these clothes
are a tad too big on me."

This happened the other day:

"Mama, I'm not this skinny."

My mom insisted her pants would fit me.

Is there a name for My Mom Has Never Been Able to Correctly Judge What Size I Am?

No?

Okay.

At least my mom is improving?

Why did I take her shopping with me again?

That Time My Mom Asked to Borrow My Underwear

I really need to stop telling stories about my mom.

Or, at least ask her permission before I share stories about her on the world wide web.

Maybe?

Okay, here's another story about my mom.

Late one night, I hear a knock on my door:

Do you have any new underwear?

What? Why?

I forgot to do laundry today 

and I ran out of underwear.

Um, Mama, I don't think you want 

to borrow my underwear.

Why?

Because this is all I have.

Maybe you want to go commando?

Which way is the front and which is the back?

The string goes between your butt cheeks.

Like butt floss.

The next morning, we had this exchange:

How did the underwear go?

Was it uncomfortable?

I woke up early today to do laundry.

I don't think my mom will be asking to borrow* my underwear again anytime soon.


*Took, my mom took my brand new thong, but borrow sounds...much better?

Guess which feature of mine my parents think is most beautiful?

Back when I was in 7th or 8th grade, my parents and I were sitting in the living room of our house, each doing our own thing, my sister off somewhere upstairs doing whatever it was she was doing, when all of a sudden, my mom starts talking quietly to my dad:

The most beautiful aspect of our daughter -- 

My ears immediately perked up at the mention of me and I started listening intently to my parents' conversation.

Because what teenager doesn't want to hear complimentary things about herself?

I was supposed to be diligently reading the newspaper.

Clearly, this was more important.

-- are her ears.

She does have beautiful ears.

Thanks, Parents, that's just what a teenaged daughter wants to hear, that her most beautiful feature are her ears.

This makes me wonder what your flirting game was like when you were younger, Parents.

Texts vs. Phone Calls vs. Everything Else

Smartphones are everywhere now.

This is where the technology stands in my family.

Mom:

Why can't people just call on the phone 

instead of sending texts?

Me:

Why can't people send me a text instead of calling me?

And then, there's my Dad.

I left a voicemail and texted.
But there's also WeChat and Line.
Oh, and there's another thing I heard about...(etc.)

No.

No comment.

I come by it honestly.

My mom lives in the apartment below mine.

It's a very, VERY short walk up the stairs from my mom's floor to my floor.

I usually shout down the stairs when I want to talk to my mom.

And she does the same.

We're a very quiet family.

Recently, while I was getting ready to take a shower:

My phone rings.

I was right in the middle of brushing my teeth.

So, I missed it.

After spitting out my toothpaste and rinsing, I look at my call log to return the call:

Mom? Did you just call me from inside the house?!

Yeah, I was too lazy to walk up to tell you to call your sister.

Guys, I come by my laziness honestly.

Shopping vs Exercising. Or, Hate vs Laziness

My natural state of being.

A few weeks ago, I started a new job where I have to wear conservative suits to work every day.

Since I didn't have any, I came up with the brilliant idea of going shopping with my mom.

Because I hate shopping.

My mama hates it, too. On opposite day.

This meant I could be lazy and just stand in the dressing room while my mama handed me things to try.

It was like having my own personal shopping assistant except it was my mom so we're going to call it mother-daughter bonding time.

After trying on a couple of ill-fitting suits, my mom mentions that she has a couple of suits she doesn't wear anymore and that I could have them.

And I said: Why didn't you tell me this sooner?

She then followed it up with: It might be a tad small on you. But, you could just go to the gym some more!

You might have noticed that Asians have no filter when it comes to family.

I pondered that thought for a moment:

Because as you all know:

I can be quite lazy.

But, the choices were:

Continue shopping.

And trying on clothes for who knows how long.

Or, exercising.

It was a hard decision.

My lazy side really wanted to win the internal debate.

And do neither.

But, alas.

Guess which side won?

Exercise did.

Because that's how much I hate shopping.

This might be one of the few times my extreme laziness did not win.

How about you? Which side would've won for you?

[TBT] My Mama Hearts Chipotle. Hardcore.

This throwback post would be more appropriate if it was in March but my heart smiled inside when I read it again so I'm sharing it with you all today.

I love my mama.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012
My Mama Hearts Chipotle. Hardcore.

Today is my mama's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!

We celebrated it over the weekend.

But first, let me tell you how we celebrated it last year:

Me: Where do you want to go for your birthday dinner, Mom?
Mom: Chipotle.
Me: Mom, that's like going to McDonald's, we can't do that for your birthday. Don't you want to go somewhere fancy?
Mom: But I really like Chipotle.

And so we went to Chipotle to celebrate. And my mama was happy.

This year, we celebrated it like this:

Me: Mom, what do you want to do?
Mom: Let's go to Ikea.
Me: Um, why?
Mom: I want to buy a mirror.
Me: You want to go all the way to Ikea for that?

(Ikea is a 40 minute drive from my mom's house. Target and Home Depot are both less than 10 minutes away and I'm sure both of those places have mirrors.)

Mom: How much was the mirror you wanted at Ikea the last time we were there?
Me: Mom, that was months and months ago, I don't remember.
Mom: You want to come over so we can go to Ikea?
Me: Okay, fine.

So we head to Ikea and after we're done mirror-buying at Ikea, this is what happens:

Mom: So, what do you want to eat for dinner?
Me: Anything you want, it's your birthday.
Mom: Want to go to that place across the street from Ikea?
Me: You mean Chipotle, don't you? You want to go to Chipotle, don't you?

And my mom smiles sheepishly in response.

Oh, Chipotle, you have stolen my mom's foodie heart.

When my mama says "Let's go to Ikea," it's really code for "I want to eat Chipotle."

Deluded Mama, Part II

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you'll know that my mama has delusions about how much she cooks.

A couple of Sundays ago, my mom and I had this conversation:

Shelley vs Shilly

Last Sunday, when my mom and I were driving to Long Island for my cousin's birthday party:

 Mom, you spelled Aunt Shelley's name wrong.

Oh yeah, I used an i instead of an e. 

You also forgot the second e.

差 不 多 (chà bù duō = close enough).

HAHAHA.

My mom cracks me up so much sometimes.

She knows how to spell my aunt's name and yet, it's Shilly in her phone.

I should check to see how my mom saves my name on her phone.

Deluded Mama

A conversation between my mom and me from this past Thursday evening:

Guess who's been doing all the cooking?

Not my mama.