June 21, 2016

How Many Double Chins Can I Make?

I like to play a game called, "How Many Double Chins Can I Make?"


And I've been playing it a lot lately.

Because when strangers on the street tell me to smile more, I give them The Double Chin.



When a colleague answers my question like this:

I give them The Double Chin.



And when someone beats me to the free platter of cookies at work and takes all the good ones, I double The Double Chin.

"Get out of my way."


Which usually results in this:


That's not a Double Chin. That's just me in a food coma.


How about you? When do you give people The Double Chin? How many Double Chins can you make? Go forth and be prosperous. And show me your Double Chins.

April 1, 2016

Anniversay Giveaway + Passwords Part Deux

I went to the Genius Bar recently.

Because my iMac wouldn't power on at all.

It's why I've been MIA on the blog lately.

One thing I didn't realize they do when they take your computer for servicing is that the Geniuses will want to know your password.

Remember that time when I said my passwords are a little immature?

I didn't think I'd actually have to own up to it in public.

Face to face with someone.

When the Genius asked me for my password, this was my reaction:


"My password?




"Ha, um, it's um . . . "



"It's poopsicle. Heh."


I then said, "How embarrassing," and the Genius said, "I've seen worse."

I swear my next password will not contain the word poop.

In other news, today's the anniversary of my blog! I can't believe I've been putting my stories on the web for two years now. Time really flies by. To celebrate, I'm giving away a little present, a $50 gift card from American Express. Enter in the Rafflecopter widget below. Good luck!



a Rafflecopter giveaway


Giveaway ends April 30, 2016 at 11:59pm EDT.

This is NOT an April Fools' joke!

February 11, 2016

Sometimes My Face + Hair Color Confuses People

This is me:

I usually draw myself like this:


But a more accurate drawing would be like this:


I get asked all the time if I dye my hair.

Nope.

This mousy brown hair color is all my own.

Although yesterday, my coworker called it chocolaty brown.

I like that.

I've also been asked a couple of times if I'm mixed.

Again, nope.

Fully Chinese.

The questions amuse me though.

And it reminds me of how monolithic some people are in their perceptions of what Chinese people look like.

So, let me show you my family.

This is my mom, her hair is light like mine:


My aunt, my mom's younger sister, has hair the lightest of us all.

People just skip the hair dyeing question and automatically go straight to asking her what shade she uses.


It's au naturel, people.

This is my cousin, my dad's sister's son:


He has ridiculously curly hair. So much so, that he keeps it shorn close to his head or he'd be growing a poof. And no, he's not mixed.

These are all my male cousins.


Besides the babies, they are ALL taller than me.

Okay, that's not saying much. I'm 5'4". I'm the shortest grandchild on both sides of the family. Woe is me.

But, more than half of the boys are near six feet or over. I think my tallest cousin is 6'3".

It certainly feels like it when I try to look up at him.

And here are all the female cousins in the family, including me.


Oops, almost forgot the littlest one!


We all look very different from one another.

Though you can't tell from my drawings because I suck at drawing.

My sister and cousin have what the Chinese call perfect oval faces. It's the epitome of East Asian beauty. And big eyes. All four of them possess that feature.

I have to say, 'cause I'm not biased or anything, I have a stunningly beautiful family.

Just a little snapshot of what my Chinese family looks like.

If they were bad cartoon renditions of themselves.

Ha.

February 5, 2016

This probably isn't how you're supposed to use a Fitbit


I got a Fitbit recently because I'm still trying to unshrink my clothes.

I thought having a new gadget that tracks steps would motivate me.

But, I'm pretty sure I'm doing it all wrong.

My goal is 10,000 steps every day.

One day, last week, I hadn't quite reached my goal yet, so I decided to walk around my block.

Only problem was:


I was eating chips the entire time I was doing it.

At least I went 300 steps over my goal?

February 2, 2016

Mama + Sizes

This happened to me all the time when I was a child:

 "Um, Mama, I think these clothes
are a tad too big on me."



This happened the other day:

"Mama, I'm not this skinny."



My mom insisted her pants would fit me.

Is there a name for My Mom Has Never Been Able to Correctly Judge What Size I Am?

No?

Okay.

At least my mom is improving?

Why did I take her shopping with me again?

January 20, 2016

That Time My Mom Asked to Borrow My Underwear

I really need to stop telling stories about my mom.

Or, at least ask her permission before I share stories about her on the world wide web.

Maybe?

Okay, here's another story about my mom.

Late one night, I hear a knock on my door:



Do you have any new underwear?


What? Why?


I forgot to do laundry today 
and I ran out of underwear.


Um, Mama, I don't think you want 
to borrow my underwear.


Why?


Because this is all I have.


Maybe you want to go commando?


Which way is the front and which is the back?


The string goes between your butt cheeks.
Like butt floss.



The next morning, we had this exchange:

How did the underwear go?
Was it uncomfortable?


I woke up early today to do laundry.


I don't think my mom will be asking to borrow* my underwear again anytime soon.


*Took, my mom took my brand new thong, but borrow sounds...much better?

January 18, 2016

Tim's Wallet and Onions

I was going through my Facebook memories the other day and found this gem by my cousin, Timothy.

He posted it as his FB status a couple of years ago and it's feeling very apropos of my life right now.



Tears of joy, that is.

So many Benjamins.

Ha.

I wish.

January 13, 2016

Mirepoix Soup with Avocados or Lazy Soup for Lazy Janice

Happy 2016, EVERYONE!

I am such a slacker.

You see, I had planned to post this soup recipe a long, long time ago.

In Fall of 2014.

Yep, 2014.

It's now 11 13 days into 2016 and while looking through my backlog of recipe drafts, some that I'd promised people five months ago I'd post (mea culpa, friends!), I thought maybe I should get my act together.

Usually, when the new year arrives, people have a fiery urge to get their butts in gear on the 1st.

I needed an extra 10 12 days to light my ass on fire.

(See? Still procrastinating.)

I'm posting this soup because it's my lazy soup.

And lazy is probably what I'll still be this year.

New year, old Janice.

Lazy before, lazy after.

Ha.

I sound like a New Year Scrooge.

Happy New Year!

Anyway.

This soup came about because one day, two summers ago, I had nothing left to eat in my house.

I opened up my fridge, saw the dredges of carrots, celery, and garlic, threw it all in a pot, boiled it, puréed it, added cream, and Voilà! Food.


And, it was good.

Boy, was it good.

Probably because I topped it with avocados.


Each spoonful was a creamy bite of avocado flavored with garlicky carrots and celery.

YUM-MY.

I've made it many more times since then and it's now my go-to soup for whenever I'm feeling lazy or don't want to slave over the stove.

Oh wait, that's all the time.

At least it's healthy!

I call this Mirepoix Soup but it isn't really. A true mirepoix is some combination of onions, carrots, and celery.

But, since this is my creation, I can call it anything I want, right?

Like: Arthur Soup.

Or: Plain Jane Soup.

Or: Mee-Ra Pwa Soop.

I think I like that last one best.



Mirepoix Soup with Avocados
Serves 4 (approximately)

Ingredients
  • 1 bunch celery, chopped
  • 2 large carrots, peeled and chopped
  • 1 potato, peeled and chopped
  • 5 garlic cloves, peeled
  • 1 small knob ginger, peeled
  • salt + pepper, to taste
  • Water to cover
  • ½-1 cup heavy cream, to taste
  • 1-2 avocados, diced

Directions
  1. Combine celery, carrots, potato, garlic, and ginger with some salt + pepper in a medium pot.
  2. Cover with just enough water to top the vegetables.
  3. Bring to a boil on high heat, then turn down to medium low; cook until tender.
  4. Remove from heat and puree until smooth with an immersion blender (or a jar blender).
  5. Return pot to stove and add ½ cup of heavy cream (or 1 cup if you'd like a thicker soup). 
  6. Adjust levels of salt and pepper, if needed.
  7. Heat through or until tiny bubbles form.
  8. Ladle into bowls and top each serving with ½ a diced avocado.
  9. Slurp a spoonful and groan in bliss.