Anniversay Giveaway + Passwords Part Deux

I went to the Genius Bar recently.

Because my iMac wouldn't power on at all.

It's why I've been MIA on the blog lately.

One thing I didn't realize they do when they take your computer for servicing is that the Geniuses will want to know your password.

Remember that time when I said my passwords are a little immature?

I didn't think I'd actually have to own up to it in public.

Face to face with someone.

When the Genius asked me for my password, this was my reaction:

"My password?"

"Ha, um, it's um . . . "

"It's poopsicle. Heh."

I then said, "How embarrassing," and the Genius said, "I've seen worse."

I swear my next password will not contain the word poop.

In other news, today's the anniversary of my blog! I can't believe I've been putting my stories on the web for two years now. Time really flies by. To celebrate, I'm giving away a little present, a $50 gift card from American Express. Enter in the Rafflecopter widget below. Good luck!



a Rafflecopter giveaway


Giveaway ends April 30, 2016 at 11:59pm EDT.

This is NOT an April Fools' joke!

Sometimes My Face + Hair Color Confuses People

This is me:

I usually draw myself like this:

But a more accurate drawing would be like this:

I get asked all the time if I dye my hair.

Nope.

This mousy brown hair color is all my own.

Although yesterday, my coworker called it chocolaty brown.

I like that.

I've also been asked a couple of times if I'm mixed.

Again, nope.

Fully Chinese.

The questions amuse me though.

And it reminds me of how monolithic some people are in their perceptions of what Chinese people look like.

So, let me show you my family.

This is my mom, her hair is light like mine:

My aunt, my mom's younger sister, has hair the lightest of us all.

People just skip the hair dyeing question and automatically go straight to asking her what shade she uses.

It's au naturel, people.

This is my cousin, my dad's sister's son:

He has ridiculously curly hair. So much so, that he keeps it shorn close to his head or he'd be growing a poof. And no, he's not mixed.

These are all my male cousins.

Besides the babies, they are ALL taller than me.

Okay, that's not saying much. I'm 5'4". I'm the shortest grandchild on both sides of the family. Woe is me.

But, more than half of the boys are near six feet or over. I think my tallest cousin is 6'3".

It certainly feels like it when I try to look up at him.

And here are all the female cousins in the family, including me.

Oops, almost forgot the littlest one!

We all look very different from one another.

Though you can't tell from my drawings because I suck at drawing.

My sister and cousin have what the Chinese call perfect oval faces. It's the epitome of East Asian beauty. And big eyes. All four of them possess that feature.

I have to say, 'cause I'm not biased or anything, I have a stunningly beautiful family.

Just a little snapshot of what my Chinese family looks like.

If they were bad cartoon renditions of themselves.

Ha.

This probably isn't how you're supposed to use a Fitbit

I got a Fitbit recently because I'm still trying to unshrink my clothes.

I thought having a new gadget that tracks steps would motivate me.

But, I'm pretty sure I'm doing it all wrong.

My goal is 10,000 steps every day.

One day, last week, I hadn't quite reached my goal yet, so I decided to walk around my block.

Only problem was:

I was eating chips the entire time I was doing it.

At least I went 300 steps over my goal?

Mama + Sizes

This happened to me all the time when I was a child:

 "Um, Mama, I think these clothes
are a tad too big on me."

This happened the other day:

"Mama, I'm not this skinny."

My mom insisted her pants would fit me.

Is there a name for My Mom Has Never Been Able to Correctly Judge What Size I Am?

No?

Okay.

At least my mom is improving?

Why did I take her shopping with me again?

That Time My Mom Asked to Borrow My Underwear

I really need to stop telling stories about my mom.

Or, at least ask her permission before I share stories about her on the world wide web.

Maybe?

Okay, here's another story about my mom.

Late one night, I hear a knock on my door:

Do you have any new underwear?

What? Why?

I forgot to do laundry today 

and I ran out of underwear.

Um, Mama, I don't think you want 

to borrow my underwear.

Why?

Because this is all I have.

Maybe you want to go commando?

Which way is the front and which is the back?

The string goes between your butt cheeks.

Like butt floss.

The next morning, we had this exchange:

How did the underwear go?

Was it uncomfortable?

I woke up early today to do laundry.

I don't think my mom will be asking to borrow* my underwear again anytime soon.


*Took, my mom took my brand new thong, but borrow sounds...much better?

My Brain Needs Some Help

My cousin and his girlfriend are throwing a Christmas Orphan party this year.

To make sure that I had the date right in my calendar, I texted my cousin:

That would make a lot of sense.

You know, having a Christmas party on Christmas Day.

That's the whole point of a Christmas Orphan party.

Someone help my brain.

Back Pain + Acupuncture + A Very Chinese Question

I hurt my back last week.

It rendered me useless.

This is my acupuncturist:

He really does look like this. When I showed this 

drawing to my mom, she immediately knew who it was.

Dr. Chen's very good at what he does.

(I went through a lot of acupuncturists before finding him.

Okay, my mom did.)

Unable to deal with the pain on my own, I spent Saturday in his office.

Some of his diagnostic questions were:

"Where does it hurt?"

"How did you hurt yourself this time?"

"What are you limited in doing?"

"Are you married yet?"

My reaction:

Is there a correlation between 

being married and back pain?

In my head anyway.

I didn't want to rile the person who'll be sticking needles into my lower back for the next few weeks.

Guess which feature of mine my parents think is most beautiful?

Back when I was in 7th or 8th grade, my parents and I were sitting in the living room of our house, each doing our own thing, my sister off somewhere upstairs doing whatever it was she was doing, when all of a sudden, my mom starts talking quietly to my dad:

The most beautiful aspect of our daughter -- 

My ears immediately perked up at the mention of me and I started listening intently to my parents' conversation.

Because what teenager doesn't want to hear complimentary things about herself?

I was supposed to be diligently reading the newspaper.

Clearly, this was more important.

-- are her ears.

She does have beautiful ears.

Thanks, Parents, that's just what a teenaged daughter wants to hear, that her most beautiful feature are her ears.

This makes me wonder what your flirting game was like when you were younger, Parents.

RIP, Gym Shirt, RIP

This is my favorite gym shirt.

It's big and soft and gray.

And, has a hole in the middle somewhere.

But, I forgot to draw that in.

It's also very comfortable to move around in.

Which is why it was my favorite dance shirt, back when I was able to dance.

During one of my sweaty sessions last week, I noticed that I was getting lots of weird looks.

I was puzzled by it, but not too worried, and just smiled back and ignored it.

Until I happened to glance down at myself while I was in push-up position.

My boobs were on full display to everyone across the room.

And, my hot pink sports bra wasn't doing anything to help the situation.

Apparently, the neckline of my big, roomie shirt had gotten even bigger and roomier and I hadn't noticed.

And apparently, I was wearing a sports bra that was the wrong size cause the breasteses were falling out of it.

I might as well have been planking in the nude.

Oops.

Basically, what my shirt looked like.

Versus what I THOUGHT my shirt looked like.

I guess my blood, sweat, and tears are working?

Goodbye, Favorite Gym Shirt.

You are being retired.

RIP.

This happens to everyone, right? Tell me your embarrassing gym/workout stories!

Texts vs. Phone Calls vs. Everything Else

Smartphones are everywhere now.

This is where the technology stands in my family.

Mom:

Why can't people just call on the phone 

instead of sending texts?

Me:

Why can't people send me a text instead of calling me?

And then, there's my Dad.

I left a voicemail and texted.
But there's also WeChat and Line.
Oh, and there's another thing I heard about...(etc.)

No.

No comment.

Lunches at Work

This happens to me every time I finish my lunch at work:

But why is all the food gone?

Every single time.

I don't understand why this happens.

Because I pack my own lunches.

You'd think I'd know how much food I eat.